As I sit in an air-conditioned southern california home, typing on a laptop, big-screen TV playing in the background, I am reminded of how ignorantly I often draw conclusions about life. It's not that I've never tasted pain or hardship, but if I'm honest with myself I have allowed many of my convictions and beliefs to go untested and unchallenged.
Lately I've been reminded of the sometimes harsh nature of truth. There is a naivity that results from surrounding myself with people who think a lot like me. I know in my head that people live and think differently, but I experience it very little. Every day I am convinced more and more that pursuing friendships, and engaging in conversations with people who think differently than me is essential.
Just because the things I believe make me feel secure and give me hope doesn't mean that these beliefs will not create friction with others. I have been experiencing this lately: I've been discovering a world in which my convictions are often unwanted. In order to remain true to myself has meant being slightly isolated. This seperation is never desired on my part. I'm just like anyone; I enjoy being with others. But I want to be real, and I'm doing my best not to compromise.
So, the theory of being real sounds great. To stand up for what you believe. To be consistent, reliable, loving. But what happens when being real means upsetting other people? What happens when being alone is the only way to avoid saying something you'll regret?
The truth is, the theory sounds great from your living room, or whatever place shelters and comforts you. But when that security is lost, and when you are tested, it's much harder to remain true to yourself. This all probably sounds obvious, but in the midst of my life right now, I needed to get this out.
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I got attention of you when I saw you on Amy's profile. I just read what you wrote on here, and even though I might sound crazy because we do not know each other I feel this way tha tyou do. I just never knew how to explain it. I am at this point in my life where I am at a college program that changed my life for the best last year. This year it has been a constant battle for me. I am used to having to stand up for my beilf's because of the type of family that I have, but being here is so much harder. Everywhere I turn I have someone telling me to be someone that I am not. There are very fwe people here who actually act like they are Christian. Some many say that they are, but then turn around and act against everything that they say. I find myself being tested.... Tested to be able to stand up and be who I am. It's hard..
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