romans 7

Our awareness of sin should never be confused with a desire to run from it.

I wish I could look back to the moment of my salvation, and point triumphantly at the time-line of my life thereafter, proclaiming it pure and blameless.

But my eyes are met with a harsher reality; one filled with lust, greed, lack of contentment, anger, jealousy, and countless other indications of my humanity. As much as it hurts me to see past mistakes, things are made worse by the burning desire within me now, today, even in this moment... to sin.

Paul's words fill me with a bittersweet combination of relief and disappointment:

"But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire."

There are times when I feel consumed by discontentment. Surrounded by a culture of untethered indulgence and pleasure, my commitment to purity and Godly fulfillment leaves me in a place of despair. Sometimes this requires more than saying no; at times I have to turn my head and run in the opposite direction, all the while my flesh begs me to turn back. And many times I do.

At times truth feels so irrelevant. There are so many voices telling me the opposite. The human heart starts to question whether it's worth the fight anymore.

Paul continues:

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Yet, in the midst of this tragedy, we are met with hope. As the reality of our feeble condition comes to fruition, God's grace is present, and fully capable of meeting the challenge.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

It doesn't make sense that anyone would have anything to do with my broken heart. But I'm so thankful He does.