june gloom

Being raised in Phoenix, I've been trained to associate certain things with summertime...late night swims (the water stays above 80 degrees), triple digit temperatures, steering wheels that burn your hands, utter dependence on AC units in cars, houses, restaurants, and everywhere else one needs shelter and relief from the relentless heat that engulfs the city each year.

This being my first summer spent in southern California, I've been greeted with something that puzzles my Arizonan tendencies. They call it June gloom. It's summertime shrouded in a layer of clouds; one that's shaded the region for almost three straight weeks now.

I've found myself waking up each morning, peeking through my window shades, and looking reluctantly into a grey sky. Every once in a while defiant rays of sunshine peek through the blanket, but soon these rebels are overtaken by territorial cumulus, who aren't about to end their reign over LA.

In Arizona you can always count on sunshine. You can expect a sky of the brightest blue you've ever seen. Sure, it's a bit unsanitary to fry an egg on the sidewalk, but you can do it. Somehow I've carried my expectations of fair weather to the west coast. Something I assumed would happen has proven to be unlikely here. The gloomy reality here counters everything I've known, and contradicts what I've always understood summer to be.

These days I'm feeling a lot like the sun. I'm striving hard to shine my way through a fog that won't retreat. Dreams are easy entities to feed, to construct in your mind... but carrying them out usually ends up more confusing and different than you imagined. It's not that the process is wrong or bad, it's simply different than what you expected. And in times like these, when I don't seem to be getting anywhere, when the clouds limit my vision and disorient me, it becomes hard to remember why I'm trying to shine in the first place.

I'm reminded of the words of a good friend I made this year. He said:
"If you're not in His will, don't bother trying. But if you know God has called you to something, do it boldly and fearlessly and He will go before you."

I think it's important in times like these, when things aren't especially clear, to seek Him in all things. It's a balance between peaceful waiting and fervent obedience and action.

When these clouds lift I want to be ready. And while they still surround me, I'll remember that His eyes see what my feeble rays fail to reveal.