homeward bound - that movie touched me as a kid by the way

It's crazy how your whole life can fit into a car. Yesterday I piled virtually everything I own into my car and made the 5 hour drive from forest falls, ca to phoenix. In a matter of minutes I left the coolness of the mountains, and the pines slowly melted into that familiar desert. The heat was a welcome challenge...it meant that I was headed home again.

So here I sit, air conditioning blasting away like a hurricane and almost helping me forget that it's still over 90 degrees outside at midnight. Phoenix in the summer, it's not for the faint of heart. It's been nice to be here, even though it's hardly been one day. Being home always makes me think; it provides that much needed breath of fresh air that allows me to process the chaos of life. There are certain experiences in life that are so real, so overwhelming, and so challenging that it is almost impossible to understand them fully until weeks or months later. For me, this summer has been such an experience. Since being home I've felt the past 10 weeks creeping up on me, as if to say "Hey! Quit ignoring everything that has happened." Perhaps this is the first time in several months that I've been able to analyze the things happening to me.

Tonight I went for a walk. Driving home from a friend's house I noticed lightning in the distance. Monsoons in Arizona can be likened to rain falling on a drought-oppressed Indian reservation, whose crops depend on water from the heavens to sustain it. Umbrellas should be outlawed here. Arizona kids get more excited during a storm than seeing their wrapped presents on Christmas morning. It was hot tonight, but the frontage winds of the distant storm provided enough relief to make it bearable. As I aimlessly wandered the familiar streets of my hometown, I couldn't help but think about the countless nights I'd spent as a kid roaming these streets, being stupid, learning lessons, laughing, crying. So much of my life was shaped, often times ungracefully and painfully, on and around these roads. It's no stretch of an analogy to say I found my way through life by navigating through the neighborhoods around my house.

So it was on this short journey tonight that it became clear what a blessing life is. I spend so much time thinking about myself, worrying, wanting, striving. Tonight I was able to stop and simply thank Him for all he's given me. And there's tons to be thankful for. It's interesting how nature can speak though it doesn't have a voice. Sometimes I feel like it's language makes more sense than the useless things we utter all the time.

My hope is that stopping and listening will become a more regular habit of mine. To appreciate the past for the imperfect, beneficial thing it is. To make sense of it. To trust Him with the future.